Yes, I Will Check

Notice: If we’re dating, expect me to check out your twitter, facebook profile, and whatever else. I’ll tell you why. Because I believe in certain transparencies in all intimate (emotional or physical) relationships. How’s that for an opening to inspire disagreement? But that’s ok; let me explain.

With technology seemingly taking over the world, we have found a new way to ruin relationships: the internet. The world wide web does more than allow us to keep in touch with out of town friends and family. It exponentially multiplies everyone’s possibilities for much less innocent connections.

Facebook can tell a lot about a person, although it’s not hard to manipulate. You simply don’t put up (many) pictures, untag yourself in other peoples, and make something up about why your status still says single (baby I just don’t like my business out there for everyone to see….ya, ok). Same thing with myspace. Twitter is a little more difficult because you can’t control what other people tweet about what they’re doing, even if it involves you. And if you don’t want someone to know you’re playing them, you can’t check them when they inadvertently shout you out for the world, or the other people you’re trying to get at, to see. But since Twitter is still catching on, it depends on if your social circle has decided to participate.

So the question is, if you’re dating someone, should using the internet to check up on them be off limits?

Some people say yes. I mean, where’s the trust? If you’re with someone who you can’t trust then should you really be with them? I’ve always thought that if I’m dating you and feel like I need to sneak through your phone or email, then we don’t need to be dating in the first place. So isn’t checking their facebook or twitter page the same thing? I say no.

Social networking is a public platform. If it’s out there for everyone to see then it’s not dishonest to look for it. Kind of like the “in plain sight rule” always referenced on Law & Order – my favorite show by the way. If incriminating evidence is in plain sight, where a normal person could have seen it, it’s fair game. Same goes for relationships. If I don’t have to violate personal property to see it, then it’s legal.

As long as the information isn’t obtained through dishonesty (stealing passwords and breaking in), it’s their bad for letting it get out there. Because bottom line is, the internet can only ruin relationships if one or both people involved are lying and/or misrepresenting something.

Yes, we should all trust the person we’re with. I’m not talking about cataloguing their every move, or constantly stalking their ex’s or friend’s pages. But we have a responsibility to ourselves to do what we can to protect our hearts, our time, and our health (because all cheating is not kept strictly online).

In my Pimpin vs. Playin post, I’ve already argued that people should be honest about their intentions and needs in all relationships. If you are really doing this, there should be nothing to worry about when the person you “care” about sees what’s out there for everyone else to see.

Thoughts anyone?

Add Comment

• 1way2play said November 02, 2009

  Im witchu on this I will definitely check up on a girl I have just stated dating for the fact that u can get a feel of the activities she's involved in whether it be good or bad. I take that relationship stuff serious so any girl involved wit me can expect a serious background check if they are in it for the long hall. When it comes to a "wifey" I would check for potential threats like the same dude keep leaving her sexy messages then I would address him. I might be the only guy that says im cool wit a girl checking my pages cause its my fault if I slip like that and best believe im checking hers too!!! like u said I didnt need any codes or passwords so its perfectly legal...

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• calieagle99 said 29 days ago

  Chantelle, you can check my networks anytime lol! That tat is bad a$$ ma!
  
  I definitely agree with the post though, if it's important enough for strangers to see on the internet than it's fair game for someone you might consider giving your heart too.

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  • Chantelle7 replied 29 days ago

    lol. thanks!
• pilight said 29 days ago

  Checking Twitter or MySpace or other social site isn't the same as checking their phone or email. I'd expect someone I dated to know that I don't have Twitter or MySpace. :-)
  
  Just remember, they're probably checking up on you too.

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  • Chantelle7 replied 29 days ago

    i have no problem with people checking up on me because anything i say i'm not doing, i'm not doing.
• Howeee said 29 days ago

  "All's fair in Love and War", no? Hmm. I dunno, womyn. You need to find a Good Man who is so involved in his career-life-YOU that FaceBookTwitterMySpace is something there is no TIME or NEED for! :-) Call me old-fashioned. I say the likes of you doesn't *need* such headaches.

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• AlanaG said 29 days ago

  If I'm talking to a guy, I like to look at his Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc. But it's not so much to "check up" on him to see if they're being shady. It's just that social networking is a very big part of my day-to-day life, so I like to be with someone who is compatible in that way.

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• Wheelman said 29 days ago

  The one place you should be looking, you didn`t mention at all. Tells me where the priorities are and aren`t. Too bad..........Good luck in the world, your chosen home.

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  • Chantelle7 replied 29 days ago

    Wheelman - i don't follow you. where is the one place i should be looking? i'm not saying i'm looking for men to date on social networking sites. this has nothing to do with being in the world and not being in God. it's about if i'm dating someone, i'm going to look at their social networking sites to see if they're doing shady stuff. care to further explain your point, without sarcasm?
  • Wheelman replied 29 days ago

    Me? Sarcastic? Only when its dished my way first. I`ve read what you`ve written over the last several months with interest. But saying and doing are quite often different things, especially when the doer may not even realize it. I`ll explain further if you email me.
• w333man said 29 days ago

  So when can we start dating?
  
  Anyways long ago when I had a "myspace" account, my girlfriend at the time would get on my back about other girls who would comment me or would send me private messages. That is why I deleted that account and have not made a facebook or twitter account. Social networking causes too many problems when it comes to relationships. I don't mess with myspace, facebook or twitter drama.

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• hockeygoddess said 29 days ago

  People need to live in the real world - I can create an account with all kinds of fake info. You need to follow your own instincts and not worry what other people are saying.

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• speedwell said 29 days ago

  you should ask for a fico score instead. it will reveal even more than a facebook profile.

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• dallasjaguar said 25 days ago

  Don't let internet postings on myspace or facebook bring out apparent jealousies. By definition the use if these sites is living large and out in the open for all to see; there is nothing to be hidden or denied there and no reason not to view them. At the same time it may be "just the net" or only "chat" and dismissed as of little weight being no more real than a movie or commercial represents an actor's true self. One should not let dozens or hundreds of adulations OR rebuffs affect one's self image nor allow such postings on a partner's site to affect the relationship with that person. You know what's real. Not knowing specifics of your situation, I suspect you followed your heart and were probably correct and what ever you found on the sites was really not news of any kind. On the other hand, don't let meaningless chat jeopardize your real world!

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  • Chantelle7 replied 23 days ago

    i don't freak out on random comments or conversations. but if there is something that proves i'm being lied to then that's a problem.
    
    and i hope your girlfriend does see this! what's her email...i'll send her a link. LOL.
• dallasjaguar said 25 days ago

  And wow, if my girlfriend sees this I am in big trouble! ;)

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• wnbalover said 24 days ago

  I love social networking because it keeps me connected to friends and family without having to pick up the phone. As far as checking out a partner, I agree it should be done. If the person is hiding something then eventually it will come to light. On the other hand, my girl does not like the sites...To each his own. I love your blogs and the way you think!

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  • Chantelle7 replied 23 days ago

    =) thanks!
• fingaroll5 said 18 days ago

  Chantelle you can check whatever social networking site I have a profile on. Just as long as you are sitting in my lap wearing boy shorts and showing me all the online retail stores that you have a profile on. That way I can see how you are going to spend my money when you are angry at me.....LOL

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• fingaroll5 said 18 days ago

  Hi Chantelle, you can look on any social networking website I have a profile on. Just as long as your sitting on my lap wearing boyshorts and a small tank top showing me all the Retail Websites you have a profile on. This way I will know how you are going to spend my money when you are angry at me. LOL

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• six8pwrhouse said 15 days ago

  i totally agree with the point of view because of how the information is public...and you're sneaking into private phones and/or stealing passwords... just like you said if you have to look check phones and emails then why are you really with this person... there is def not trust...

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